what went wrong?
what went wrong, how I'm restarting
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Pornography addiction.
Fear.
Ego.
Fear of failure.
Fear of success.
Laziness.
Caffeine addiction.
Isolation.
Suicidal ideation.
Maladaptive daydreaming.
Procrastination.
Obsession.
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That’s what went wrong.
At least, that’s what I think went wrong.
I’ve fucked up a lot in my life, and I think that no one on the internet ever really owns up to that. I’ve stolen money from my parents, broken promises, fallen into addictive spirals, and developed a hypomanic maladaptive daydreaming habit. I’m a 23 year old college dropout, .
Nice to meet you.
I’ve done some things right though. I’ve made a YouTube channel with over 13,000 subscribers, I’ve worked on startups (all failed), and I’d say I’m pretty good at software engineering. Not the best, but pretty good.
Everyone on the internet sits behind their perfectly crafted persona. With a smile that contorts in the most attractive way, a purposeful glint in their eye. A deceptive idea of who someone is, and they own it like it’s who they really are.
Job?
In 30 minutes I’m about to interview for a job on a cruise, because currently I’m $30,000 in debt. Yep, no bullshit. I’m living at my sisters place right now, which I am grateful for. I genuinely thought I might go homeless, but here I am. Not homeless.